It's my playlist! Stay the hell away..

"Carnival of Rust".. It's probably the only song in my playlist I can never get bored of even if I'm listening to it for the zillion-th time.
I heard this song the first time when Shamik was playing it on his acoustic guitar at bhorat maath.I was sitting right next to him [if i remember correctly] , eyes closed ,a soft breeze was caressing my cheeks..I can still feel the chill down my spine.
well,no.the blog ain't about how amazing the song is.It's just that moment.The moment when I fell in love with music all over again.It started running thro my veins..like heroin.An addiction?U got that right.
Music!I don't know what it actually is in my life.Cuz am no musician nor do I understand notes n chords n stuff to begin with...I don't know if I can proudly say "I have good taste in music" either..
I could muster only a few words in that song that day..n it was "without your love my life ain't nothing but this.." and after I came back home..I played it again..n again n again..n couldn't stop playing it.I dunno what I heard in that particular song.I can't really explain how I feel when I hear or see sum1 appreciating this song..as if I have written n composed it myself.[FYI its 'poets of the fall']
I can't say I appreciate music in its every form.cuz honestly,I don't.there are some genre of music I don't quite understand.Many listen to all sorta metal crap that I can never get used to.They say I won't understand. what's there to UNDERSTAND neway?Music isn't physics or maths or literature right?It's just as simple as it sounds...MUSIC!..just the feel of it..the words in it..the peace it brings..
If life is the gift..I wonder if music is the gift wrap.like different paper,different color for the gift wrap.. different genre,different lyrics for music..
Well,I love listening to whatever that I love to listen.Didn't make ne sense?Read it carefully and it will.

p.s.I don't care if I don't understand music ne better...or if I don't appreciate great bands n their music...cuz if I don't like it..well,fuck u!I don't.How does it matter neway?
__________________________________________________
I heard from somewhere.."people write when they can't say it out loud."

Dear diary

well..ppl write blogs for others to read..i dnt really want others to read this..
this is about me dear diary/blog or wateva...with all that i've lost recently..i have lost my diary too...

i dnt know whre to start..but wanna confess just how immature n stupid i used to be...
I was in class 6 when I filled that slam book I guess..I loved doing so..so much tht I noticed I filled abt 2pages of my own slam book..with a cross at the column for "my crush" ..I was kinda amazed..I had so many to name.. and i still didn fill it...I realized..at that time..samyukta basu thot crush as some sort of mental trauma and thus I left the place blank..even so,now I think I shouldn't have.I actually felt like laughing...when does "crush" become mental break-down..
I was so melodramatic...may be i still am..
as shaggy said...I'm sucha drag.
sometimes i feel horrible abt the way i am...a pathetic soul who actually dsnt know wat she wants..moving in the direction of the crowd and shouting "i'm different"..

I used to b a haughty kid..a "dnt know dnt care" attitude for all...but in my heart I yelled sumfin which none could actually hear "i care..i do" ..but it never came out...it was always like "if it wasn't u..it wud hav been sum1 else" ..i never appreciated ppl..their kindness..the fact tht they r spending their precious time for my folly.
Avik da once told me "mum..sumday u'l grow up..and u'l realize watz wrong" ..i dunno if i've grown up enough to understand wateva he meant ...just wanna tell you this avik da "I am no1 special..." ..but all i wanted ..was to be sum1 special..

I usually am stubborn,foolish [my brother will be laughing if he reads this] ,scattered, emotional ..over reacting to all the stuff that keep happening...but I cant help it..this is wat i am..this is how i am...i tried changing myself..and that too turned out a hell too much of a melodrama..
I guess too much melodrama drove away roshan too.
Avik Da was right...someday i will get what it feels like..but m so proud n arrogant that I cudnt admit it in frnt of him...
I suffer frm sumfin called "superiority complex" ..wateva I do is absolutely correct.made ppl feel inferior to me and tho showing how sorry I am..I actually enjoyed it... sadist?I don't know..really!
Fuckin' hypocrite..
A phony bitch who's scared to show what she is..and pointing at ppl wat a clown they are when they try to be somebody else...
I'm so sorry.
Sorry is too small for an apology...but that's what i feel...oh!no..not for you...for myself..
I guess avik da wanted to tell me sumday u'l pity urself..lol..I do pity myself today!
I cried cried cried when roshan left me..a bit too much melodrama 4u..for me it was my instincts yelling at me..tellin me "ur so pathetic"
I am always loved by the person I loved...well roshan wasn't any exception..he loved me too..I never appreciated that either..cuz it was so obvious for me..but
..in roshan's case...let me redefine love...I never felt so close to life...
Roshan tried to make me see reasons..I dunno if I was dumb or was acting so..but my heart knows..I really didn get him...he also marked me an immature n sed u'l understand when u'l grow up...
God!..when will I grow up?and finally understand things tht ppl arnd me understand so easily and I dont.
writing all bad stuffs abt me aint gonna make me good..but admitting all of it..does make me feel good..at least a bit..
this isnt sumfin which is for whateva wrong i did...
all those ppl i've hurt...
shaggy said it right "u dont deserve friends"
and I do realise..I dnt deserve any of it...none of it.
and thts why may be I keep quiet nowadays...not tht outburst of tears..saving the world a melodrama..I tried writing things I wanna tell bhaida...roshan..dada.. friends..I cudnt..
everytime the backspace key comes into play..and thnk god!the backspace key...saving u all the melodrama I put up all the time..crying..showing _|_..haughty..
this is wat I am..samyukta basu..high school student..aspiring to be a nothing...or may everything..sum1 spl..sum1 whuz work wil b appreciated..sum1 who will understand wat it is "being matured"..I guess I will..someday ...
____________________________________________________________
I learned from somewhere..People write the things that they can't say

Measuring life..

People say "Life is too long"
Yes,true for the one's who are living 'cause they're born.
But for those who are born to live..trust me..life definitely is damn short.

_____________________________________________________
I learned from somewhere..when people can't say what they feel..they write it down.

Your heart desired for..??

Nothing in this world is perfect..
Okay let me rephrase that..
Nothing in this world works according to you..

People say - everything that happens..happens for good.
But does it really?
How about not getting what you wished for??
Doesn't that make any difference???
Doesn't that make you feel sad??

Like the little girl who never got to buy her favorite doll.She looked at it for a few minutes and came back home with her mom.She wasn't poor.Her mom could have bought it for her,ya know.But she didn't.
What??
Teaching the lil one to compromise and sacrifice in life??
Why??
The life teaches it all,doesn't it??

Imagine a world,where you get everything that you ever wanted in life.
Would you trade it with the one you are living???
Did someone say, "No" ???

Funny!!..you scared to admit your heart's desire??C'mon..this is all you can hope for.Isn't it all that matters?Is it wrong trying to be someone who you always wanted to be??Getting the things that you always wished for???..everything that you desired for???
Situation forcing you to be something else,and life teaching you how to be contended with it..-that's what you ever wanted???Is this happiness for you???How's that possible???
How can life teach you to be happy??It comes from within..what's there to teach in it???
Life can teach you to smile in your hard times..but being happy about it.???
...One helluva life you got there..

For me,
Happiness can never be chosen or taught or be pursued..
No matter how hard you try..there will always remain a thin line of difference between "Being happy" and "Trying to be happy".

George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."
Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for.If having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.

_____________________________________________________
I learnt from somewhere..when people can't say what they feel,they write it down.

Wasn't Just Another story..

Have you ever seen a swan?
Swimming so gracefully across the pool..and underneath paddling so hard just to make it through??
I've seen one..

A typical dehihite [i learned the term recently] , loving life,friends,technology,maths, physics and kate winslate at the same time.Well,that's how so many have came to know this guy.I wasn't really watching out for this guy.I was searching for the person who he hides within himself.
He smiles,he abuses,he hacks,he bullies others,but he wasn't really another OUGian i met on orkut.
He was something more.

Imagine,the person with who you decided to live your entire life with dies in front of your eyes..

Just 10 minutes he took,to change back,to get back to normal,to erase that scene that flashed before him.

His story,may be known by many,but yet so untold.I still question myself how he gained such will power to bear all that pain?How he managed to survive through all that happened?How hard it was for him to hide that pain,bury the tears,and smile to spread the khushi around.
He hides it so perfectly.Even when he finished telling me his story,he asked "did ya get bored by my crap story?"..How much courage and strength does it take to call the story of the most beautiful relation in one's life "a crap"!I was amazed by his will power,his strength to gather it all and smile at the end.
He said life teaches it all.Time heals everything.But,
You know,it hurts..It does!
Now,tears stopped coming out but the pain couldn't be obliterated from within.

I asked "Will You ever be able to love anyone else?"
He replied "No"
Was I crying?Or was it raining outside?

The vibes from him,spreads hope.A hope for living a better life.A hope to live for the one who loves you.A hope to live without the person you love.

Dear bhaida,
Just wanted you to know,she's watching it all.Watching over you.Your pains,your tears,your smile..so true to her.You're right,she's right beside you,and she'll always be.
______________May god bless You with Khushi______________
I learnt from somewhere..when people can't say what they feel,they write it down.